Look A Bird!

::ME::

I have come on to blog so many times and I just don't have the right words. I want to be able to get what is going on in my head out, so I can work things out so I can understand why I feel so lost, but at the same time so safe.

Lots of thoughts going on in my head that feels trapped, or I'm a afraid to let it out. What happens if I do?, will they understand?, does it matter?, do they care?. I don't honestly know where to start, it is still all so jumbled and unclear.

Still more questions, they are so personal am I able to let them out and have people not judge me and think I am self centered? I don't know. I need to get them out so hear it goes. Am I in the right place?, am I need?, can I handle not being needed? how about not being perfect?, awe that one hurts why can't I just let it go? Oh God help me, will this pain and guilt I am feeling ever go away?, can I ever give everything to God?, does God really want me through all this?, where is God taking me?, what's He teaching me?, how can I trust Him more?

Those are tough questions that I am working through and trying to see where I am and what to do next. Some of them are my insecurities talking, I have been challenged with having to trust God and not care what people think. I've been learning how to be loved by my Heavenly Father and letting Him Father me. And lots of you might think that's weird, you should be so thankful that you have a father that loves you so dearly and you are his little girl. I have a father that cares a ton about me don't get me wrong, I just don't know how to let him father me. I have had hard times with my father figures in my life. In the past I have been really hurt and find it really hard to trust.(if you want to know more ask me in personal) I am learning to be God's little girl,I want it so bad! There are times that I am running into his arms so willing and other times when I am a little nervous to come out of the closet, what if I do something wrong?

I know that God is my strength and I have been holding on so tight to Him and all of His promises. God has been showing me lots just how much he loves and cares for me. It is super cool! I know that God can and will answer all those questions. Even in that last couple of months I can see where I was and where I am now.... Wow God thank you for your faithfulness.

My last thought as I end this blog is that if you haven't given every part of your life to God to be in control of then do it. It is scary as hell...but where are we going to get by ourselves? No where! Makes sure to put faith in action...take a step and see where God will take. God Loves You and ME!

posted by LA @ 12:18 AM