Life is crazy sometimes.... the things that God puts in your life and the way that we deal with them. I know that I don't always know how to deal with things that God tells me to deal with...and they other times I can do it and I am good to go. Like when you have been dealing with the same issue over and over. One minute you feel like you are moving right along and then the next you are falling behind and you wosre then when you started.
Faith...what is it, how dose it work, why is it so hard at times! I was doing my devotional the other day and I was heard a quote that blew me away.. "God tries our faith so that we may try His faithfulness" ...I had never thought about it that way. That God's not trying us to get to us he wanting us to learn about his faithfulness. as well as teach us and grow is in our weak areas.
I remeber about 5 to 6 months ago being in such a time of need and arguing with God and challenging me....pouring out my hurt, pain, and confussion to Him. By the end was asked him to help me with my faith. I wanted to grow and have more and be the best that I could be with Gods help. But then when trail came I got a little down. and little discouraged...but I kept on going. I knew that God was with me and teaching me to have faith and just believe....but then a month went by, and another and another, until just about 4 or 5 days ago I am again very low and unsure of who I am and if I have can have faith....and I hear the quote, " God tries our faith so that we may try His fatithfulness.... it's a two way thing. I am not just going through something I am challenging God to be faithful, loving and caring. And am I looking for that...I am able to call God on it and say wow you have been so faithful...and it really sink in? No I haven't...because I have been so rapped up in me...poor me this is to hard I can't do it..that I am not tring God's faithfulness.
We need to remember just like a marriage, dating couple. or best firends...... God is needing us to be open and honest and willing to trust, just as much as we need him to love on us, care for us, and prove just how much he loves us. Something so simple but yet can be so complex at the same time.
"Those who I love I rebuke and discipline" Revelations 3:19
Let me help.......
Well it actually happening,
everything in place. The plans have been made, I am moving! All that I need to do now is start going through my stuff and start packing.....yuck...it feels like I just did that.
Ohh wait I did!!!
LOL I have to say though that I am dealing with the
realization that I am leaving much better. I was at church on Sunday night and I had had a really good day. But I couldn't sit still so went to the back to walk around for a bit. I started to pray to figure out what was wrong? why do I feel so unsettled? why dose it hurt? The answer that I got was a good kicker... I was still fighting God on not wanting to go. I thought I had
dealt with it and it was just going to take some time. But no I still wasn't totally on the same page as God.
Since then I have really totally given it up top God! I felt a burden lift and a peace come on me. Now dose that mean I am not sad about leaving now? Dose that mean that I am not going to miss everyone up hear? HECK NO.... but I am truly and
genuinely excited about starting another layer in my life. My season up hear is done.
Wow I can't believe that I can say it, write it or even thinking and I am totally at peace. God is
soo cool and he know what I need way more then I do. He knows me better that I know myself ...how crazy is that!?!
I am really looking forward to my rest period while I'll be living at home. I know it's going to be a challenge for me to just not have to be anywhere, or do anything...but I really feel like God and I are going to blow some amazing things up. And I will be able to yet again learn more about how is cares, loves, and has purpose for me. Ya little old me..he cares enough for me to have all my hairs counted and is so willing to just sit with me while I cry, laugh, while I'm sad or mad. I am just blown away again... about how much I don't know still about God or myself. I am looking forward to seeing where God is going to take me with in the next 6 months.
God's burden is light and is yoke is easy.......hand it back!
It hurts...!
Life right now is a bundle of STRESS! Not fun to deal with, I have long, sleepless, and fitful nights. I get through my day only by God grace and going to work from monday to friday has been good. I love having my weekends off though they go way to sticken fast.
I offen ask myself why do we fight God. We never win, and it just hurts in the meat time and it puts us a little behind beacuse we get so worn down. It really makes no sense but why do we do it then? WHY? That is probably one of those questions that I struggle with sometimes. Why can't we leave it in Gods hands and go with it?
It's also amazing how when we are going through a ruff period how we get so negative and we only focus on the things that make us hurt more or more depressed. We are messed up, no wonder God had to send someone to guides us. And it's not something new, you can see it all through the Bible where leaders were even falling into this. How come? Did anyone find a salution?
I was talking to a good friend that other day and he reminded me to look at the positive side of things.And even when we think there is nothing that can possible be good we need to learn to count our blessings. And when you start looking you find out that you have more to be thankful for then you think.
I have food to eat everyday, a house to live in, a famliy that loves me, friends that care about me, I am able to work in a free contry and love God openly, I have a car to get me around, I have a job that pays my bills, I have clothes to keep me warm, God loves me no matter what. Sometimes all we need is to be reminded not focus on things of the world but focus on the One who created it and us, and what he has blessed us with.
Life right now is not fun, not enjoyable and I am not always happy, but I live knowing that GOd is my Father and he loves me more then I can ever know. He has me in HIS hand and He is guiding me to where I will be the best blessing that I can be, where I will work the best, where I will be happy and ful of joy. How can I top that? I can't so why do I continually seem to try?
God thank you that even when I am being stupidly stuborne, or I am scared to take a step, or I am looking at in with the wrong set of eyes, that you are patient with me. You love me and hold be tighter and just wait. God I don't want to think of what I would be with out you. Please help me to give my life back to you, help me trust that you have things undercontrol, and that you know best!
God I surrender to you my life, and what you have in the future for me.
::my joy is spilling over::
God is so good! He never sease to amaze me...in the times when you feel so distant and so fare from God you wonder if you will ever feel God presense or Hear Gods voice again. Wow he can just blow you away.... God has been so close to me that last couple of days. I can hardly keep a smile off my face these days. And I can finally say again that I am doing great!!
I feel like I have direction and a purpose and that I can do all things through Christ who strenghens me. I have to see and start to understand that my passions are God given and that I need to work in them and move in those areas. But part of the challenge is to find out what you truly are passionate about and where you can see you working and moving in those in your life, church and personal life.
Challenge is something that I also think that is sooo important in our lifes. If we become stail or comfortable that is a sign that you need to get up and change something. Change isn't that scary of a word I promise. It can seem like it at times but new is good beacuse you don't know what is going to come of it! That can be the best part of it!!
God thank you that you are always there pushing me to try new things and that you are always faithful to pick me up and love me in times when I think that I am so done. You are so amazing!!! I love you so much and I am learning to grow more and more in love with you everyday!!!
Thanks Daddy! Your little girl feels you love and exceptence!!!
You have a purpose
You are who you are for a purpose.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's specail woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistakes.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the master's seal.
No, that trama that you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by your masters rod.
You are who you are beloved,
Because there is a God!!
- Rusell Kelfer
Where am I going?
why and I here?
God where are you taking me?
I feel so lost,
I don't know where to go,
Lord am I fully listening to God?
What have I done?
Why do I akways mess up?
God are my eyes open?
I feel like such a failure,
I feel like whatever I do is a disaster,
God hear my cry!
The rear of my car has a story to tell.....
Well it was a nice Fiday after noon and I just come away from a meeting with a very special friend of mine...Dave Overholt! He encouraged me alot and it was nice just to talk to him about where I would like to go in life. It went really well and I was in a very good mood.
After that I was on my way to work for a 1-9:15pm shift in Hamilton. I was just about there, the traffice was a little slow and just as I am coming up to my turn the guy in front of me brakes again suddenly. Thankfully I am able to stop in time too...whew! But then suddenly I was it from behind! Great, so I pulled over got out and asked if everyone was ok (becuase there was 5 teenage boys in the car that hit me.. intimidating I think so) so the drive a really young guy that really didn't know what to do got out and we were checking out our cars. I was in shock and didn't know what to do so everything looked ok so we got in our cars and drove away. Not the best thing to do because though my car was fine I wasn't ready for what my back and neck would be like for the next 3 days!
But things are good my back and neck hurt quiet abit but I was able to see my caropractor right away and I am going agian tomorrow. So I will servive. If you are looking for something to pray about I would appresiate prayer. I don't want my ingeries to need ferther x-rays or checing out so I would appresiate your prayers so much! Thanks!
Watch out for those rears...they can catch up on you! LOL :)
Life is an emotional rollercoster....
Well it has been a long time since I have been able to sit and actually blog what has been going on. Ok where to start???... well I am sure you all know that Meggs and I have been moved into our new place 3 weeks yesterday... wow has it been that long? Crazy! Things are good in the new place nice to feel like we are out on our own and it is nice to come home to quiet! YAY! And as for organization well our office is a little unorganized to say the least, but for the most part the rest of the place it good!
I am starting to recover from the move and the stress of the whole move and life on top of a move. It is so werid there have been times in the last 3 weeks where I have been asking God where am I suppose to be, why am I so worthless, and what is wrong with me. I have been really struggling with my confidence and just feeling like an out cast! So many things in life that can bring you down and I don't think I had been that down in a long time. The only thing that seemed to be going well or going at all was my relationship with God. And you know alot of people would say why are you complaining or so down for all you need is God? If that relationship is going well then things should be all good. I can agree with that at time but it is really important to be able to feel good about who you are, that you have friends and a family that support you, that you can have fun on any given day or situation. That you aren't walking around with your head hung because you feel like the out cast or the divder of friends. And on top of that you feel like a big failure!
Now with that said I am not pointing fingers or asking for more support. This is my blog, in a way my journal a time for me to get out what I have been thinking, feeling, and needed. I need to let out what has been going on with out everyone around me going oh are you ok what can I do? Or I am sorry that I wasn't there...becuase that is not what I am saying. What I am saying is that I think it would be important for us to be able to have fun again as friends! When you can see that someone is down, go give them a hug tell that that you will be praying for them and see what you can do to bring them up. They don't need people always talking about the things that are getting them down. The more they talk about it, the more they get down and just get more upset. Plus I think that is also can cause us to gossip, or stretch the truth.. I know that at times I have done this and not meant to at all.
But that is just my feelings on this, if you don't agree that is fine. I have just been experienceing some things that I have been having a hard time dealing with, whether personal or even social...and I am tired of really haveing to work so hard on keeping everyone happy... I can't make everything good or work out perfect. I hate that I can't but the real and raw fact is that I CAN'T and I need to be ok with that. Can't well all try and come to the place where we are ok with not being able to always make things better? I know that I am struggling and it's not fun and i am working on it a lot.
For all the people that are reading my blog, I want you all to know that I am going to be working on having fun again in the group and not always focusing on the stress and hard times. If I see that you are not doing well, I'll be there for a hug anytime please know that!! And if I don't ask it dosen't mean that I don't care, it means that if you need to talk and need someone to pray with you, Please ask me I will be more then happy to listen and pray with you! And please please don't get affended if I don't want to talk about my feelings at that moment. It is not that I don't trust you or care to share, it maybe that I just need to focus on being happy right then.
