Look A Bird!

God's Grace

Well I did it, I met and had a serious adult to adult conversation with Mike my biological father. Over the last couple of months I have been really been working on some very serious issues that I have had to deal with for the last 21 years of my life. The issues of rejection, having a bad habit of taking myself down and thinking very little of my self, having really distant and not healthy relationships with the father figure.

I have been very determined of the past little while to deal with my issues and move on in life. To get out of bondage and live in Freedom. It was the hardest thing for me to have to deal with. But as a good friend said I put my head down and went through it and I made it thought. I know that it was only by Gods grace, power, and love for me that I was able to talk to Mike or for the matter to even think of talking to Mike on my own.

The meeting went very well! We were both able to be very honest with each other. We got our sides of the story out and were able to ask lots of questions(well I did anyway). Some of the things that we said to each other where not easy for either of us to hear. But by the end of the talk I said that there were two things that needed to be said. 1) asking him to forgive me for my judgment and bitterness, and 2) That I forgave him for all the pain and hurt that I have gone through over the last 12 years. No it wasn't not easy at all...I had a huge note in my stomach the whole night. But is was so worth it to see his face when I told him that. It was worth more then a thousand words. And I felt so good afterwards!!

It is neat to see how God can use the pain I had gone through, and the fear of talking to him in case he rejected me again. That I was able to totally and utterly forgive him and feel the release as soon as I said it. Ever since then I have felt different....more confident, appreciated, and loved all in so many ways. Thanks God for being with me the whole way and teaching me how to be fathered by you before I was able to deal with talking to Mike. I love you and thank you for giving me a chance to not only reach but succeed in achieving one of my biggest dreams and at the same time defeating my biggest fear.

posted by LA @ 12:56 AM