*Friends*
Friends are a gift from God! Friends are people that are trustworth, faithful, loyal, caring, fun, and loving. The list could go on and on of what a true friend is, and sometimes it can be so easy to forget just how improtant and needed they are. Sometimes life gets so busy, challenging and just plain frustarating that you are focusling on you and your life so much that you forget to consider others.
I know that latly I have been distant from my group of friends. I have been slowly pulling away ....and the funny thing I am not sure why?!? I started thinking about and I was really seraching my heart as to why would I be pulling away from my freinds that care so much about me and I them? One thing that I thought might be part of it is that I have been going through a lot of very personal challenges that God has been working with me on. Through the challenges and the issues I have come out with more confidence in myself and who God created me to be. When I talked with my biological father alot of things came out of that meeting and up to 2 or 3 weeks later I am still learning. I'm Changing..and change can sometimes be a scary thing and other times intreging. Maybe I am not sure how I will fit in thr group now that I am feeling different about who I am and my new found confidence. (which has been a challenge in itself for me to learn how to use) the questions that come to mind are: Will everyone except me the same? Will they like the new me? But when I stop and think about it, it sounds silly beacuse I know my friends and I know that they would rejoice with my in my new changes..werid how sometimes your mind can place funny tricks on you.
Another reason could be because I am getting tired from life and the challenges, that sometimes hanging out with friends can be a bit draining...and please don't take this personally... I am not saying this to be mean .... I am not trying to say how I have been acting is fare becuase isn't. I love you all and appresiate you all more then you know. I just felt that I need to let you know what has been going on in my head. I would like to appologize to all my friends for becoming distant with all of you guy. That was no fare of me and I am truly sorry for that, please know that I am going to be working on not being so distant.
You are all a gift from God to me and I need to start to me more postive in my thinking in almost every area in my life! Again I am really sorry!!
In training!
Faith, what does it mean?, How does it work? I could ask the same thing about trust!
Faith: Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.(GOD)
Tust: Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.(Again GOD)
It's amazing how you can think that you understand these or at least you have a pretty good handle of how to use and practice them. Then in a matter of minutes God can throw something at you, or drop it in your lap when you are totally not expecting it. What do you do? How do you deal? The best answer that I can think of is Faith and Trust. They go hand in hand.
It sounds so easy and desireable.....but I have found it to scare the pants off me. And that in itself makes me question myself. How well do I trust? How is my faith? It has humbled me huge just in the past 24 hours. I need to lean on God more and I need to know that he has thing under control.
I know that these challenges and stretch marks are building my Charactor and helping me to become more beautiful. Kinda of a wereid that that stretch marks will make you beautiful, but who am I to argue with God?! The journey can be long and tiring....but the treasure is more then worth it at the end. I just need to remember that and know that God is my daddy and He is looking out for me.
God give me the stregth to become the Godly woman you want me to be!!!
*Pj Pants*
I went to walmart tonight, meggs and I were looking as some of the furnature that was on sale. Turns out that there was nothing really that good, BUT I was looking around and found these amazing PJ pants!!! Oh so exciting, the first pair are blue and green strips and have a carebare on them. Very cute! And then number two they are bright pink plaid with green and black, I know it sounds gross and weird but they are really fun...oh they also have a carebare on it with a fun saying on the bumb. You got to love PJ pants! It was a good night!
If see a noseless kids let me know!!
So I came from work the other day and I am walking up my porch steps to the house and stuck on the railing was a random nose. Yes I said a nose, a skin colored plastics nose that would be attached to the thick black glasses and the mustache. You have to love landlords kids, they always keep you guessing. They also like to say hi really loud through a window right at your head after a long day at work, it's enough to make you crap your pants....not that I have experience.
I this is random but I wanted to lighten the mood of my blog. It has been very real and personal and it's just in need of some of my good old randomnisity...is that a wrod?? oh well hope you enjoy!
::weakness::
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why , for Christ's sake. I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Psalm 18:1-3
1"I love you, O Lord, my strength. 2The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. 3I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise and I am saved for my enemies."
God's Grace
Well I did it, I met and had a serious adult to adult conversation with Mike my biological father. Over the last couple of months I have been really been working on some very serious issues that I have had to deal with for the last 21 years of my life. The issues of rejection, having a bad habit of taking myself down and thinking very little of my self, having really distant and not healthy relationships with the father figure.
I have been very determined of the past little while to deal with my issues and move on in life. To get out of bondage and live in Freedom. It was the hardest thing for me to have to deal with. But as a good friend said I put my head down and went through it and I made it thought. I know that it was only by Gods grace, power, and love for me that I was able to talk to Mike or for the matter to even think of talking to Mike on my own.
The meeting went very well! We were both able to be very honest with each other. We got our sides of the story out and were able to ask lots of questions(well I did anyway). Some of the things that we said to each other where not easy for either of us to hear. But by the end of the talk I said that there were two things that needed to be said. 1) asking him to forgive me for my judgment and bitterness, and 2) That I forgave him for all the pain and hurt that I have gone through over the last 12 years. No it wasn't not easy at all...I had a huge note in my stomach the whole night. But is was so worth it to see his face when I told him that. It was worth more then a thousand words. And I felt so good afterwards!!
It is neat to see how God can use the pain I had gone through, and the fear of talking to him in case he rejected me again. That I was able to totally and utterly forgive him and feel the release as soon as I said it. Ever since then I have felt different....more confident, appreciated, and loved all in so many ways. Thanks God for being with me the whole way and teaching me how to be fathered by you before I was able to deal with talking to Mike. I love you and thank you for giving me a chance to not only reach but succeed in achieving one of my biggest dreams and at the same time defeating my biggest fear.
I will servive!!!
Today I woke up in a bit of a blurt, very tired and a little soar from the run last night and the laps that did the pool after to cool down. It was one of my fun mornings....oh joy....where I all I had to do was look in the mirror and I was grumpy.
To my surprise I am actually in a great mood! It's all God's doing, becuase I had a ruff evening last night to say the least. With a couple of life changing situations coming up in the near future I have to be in tune with God and always leaning on Him. I know that these the next steps are going to free me from fears, hurts, and unforgivness. I know that God worked things out for such a times as this, and I am going to win this challege with God as my right hand man.
Last night before going to bed I read a couple of my favorite Psalm, and a couple verses of each Psalm stuck out to me. They gave me peace that helped me go to sleep, and is probably the reason as to why I'm in such a good mood!
Psalm 23:3-5
3"He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. 4 Even thought I walk through the of the showdow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. 5 your prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup over flows."
Psalm 91:2-4
2"I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust". 3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snar and from the deadly Pestilence. 4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness with be your shield and rampart".
Thank you Lord for comforting me last night, and usuing your word to give me peace and understanding. God I really don't understand how you can love us so much with all of our baggage that we hold on to. But I am not complaining, You been so faithful in the last couple of months that I don't know where I would be without you and don't really want to know. Give me strenght in the next couple weeks to deal with the situations that will come up.
